From Porn to Portuguese: Some Reflections on a Recent Conversation

So remember when I told you about my friend’s host family in Brazil who showed us porn for no apparent reason? At the time I unrealized the scholastic value of these films of the flesh, since our host had intended on teaching the importance of condom use. Today while conversating with a new friend I learned that pornography is not only used by Brazilians to shock American exchange students, but is in fact shown in the academic setting in a sociology class on sexuality at UC Irvine.

I thought I had taken some liberal classes, but none seem to stretch the limitations of what one is used to discussing in class as much as this particular sociology course. When I was in community college and living in a commune in Berkeley, we had a class in the co-op from Good Vibrations about how to use different toys, films and accessories to safely expand one’s pleasurable activities. While in the classroom we’d seen the good-old wooden phallus and it’s latex accompaniment, we’d learned of lube and logistics, but we certainly didn’t watch porn as a group.

Well, that is almost not true since while studying abroad in Portugal some students did gather in the common area of our dorm in Porto to drink sparkling wine and catch a fleshy effort on late-night TV, though I missed out on these bonding activities. However, this wasn’t part of a class at a university.

My friend tells me that this course brought every possible aspect of sexuality to the fore, inspiring students to question and reexamine preconceived notions of what was possible, actual and perhaps, factual. On one group activity a TA initiated a game called “The Truth Bowl” where everyone in the class had to respond to questions about sexual activities, anonymously, then the bowl would circulate and each class member would read a response aloud. On the question of “what is your fantasy” at least three of the students responded that they had wanted to have sex with the TA, which my friend would have written as well but opted not to in an attempt to spare the TA some embarrassment.

This got me to thinking about teaching and you never know what is going on in your student’s heads. I mean, I know what goes on in my head while sitting in classes and attending lectures, while watching people speak in various capacities and I somehow got to thinking that no one would ever have any thoughts at all in their heads beyond grammar and culture questions when it came to me being in front of them and running my mouth.

Just think about it: you’re up there talking to a group of people and they’re staring at you. Maybe they’re listening to what you have to say, maybe their sending text messages, maybe their stomachs are growling and they’re thinking they cannot wait to get out of there to get some food. Maybe they really have to pee. Or they’re mentally criticizing your appearance, or the way you’re talking, or the silly gestures you make. I mean really, what in the hell is going on in there? Sometimes I really wish I could read minds. And then I think, um, maybe not…

My informant on this sexuality class was involved as both a student and later, instructor and told me that the professor of this course had gathered all her teachers and warned them not to date, kiss or sleep with any of her students. Then I realized that I was never told this when I began to teach. Granted, there may have been some sort of Teaching Rules guide book I was supposed to read, but who actually reads those things?

One of my friends/students from Greece who is a TA for History told me that he was instructed not to touch his students or engage in certain types of inappropriate contact. Because in many cultures it is normal to greet everyone with a kiss or two on the cheek, he assumed this would be acceptable behavior, though was warned this would be call for sexual harassment. When I see my Brazilian professors either male or female, we greet each other with a kiss on each cheek because it’s normal. Although I tend not to kiss my students. I mean, I tend not to greet them with kisses on the cheek if they are male, just because you never know what sorts of signals are being sent.

I say this because one evening in downtown Berkeley my friend Marcela and I who are both brasileiristas were saying goodbye and were giving each other a kiss on each cheek, per our custom. Then this man starting clapping and hollering, “YEAH!!!” thinking we were about to make-out. Not so much…

This conversation today made me think , as I always do, about the lines we draw between students and teachers and our notions of what is appropriate in the classroom. Granted, I’m not really good at following those things we call “rules”, although I never imagined myself as that TA with her truth bowl. But then again, every subject calls for it’s own pedagogical vibe. I mean, there is only so much I can say since children may be watching, but I think if we say and do everything, there will be nothing left to question.

I have a friend who was my student two years ago who asked me the other day if she could ask me about who I was dating. She said she wasn’t sure how much she could say to me since I was her TA. To which I taught her to ask me anything. Shoot, class is over, so if the school cut’s off the checks, I cut off the rules. It was sweet of her to ask though, unlike that other student I had who burst out in the middle of a grammar lesson and questions, “Do you have a boyfriend?” What I really should have said was, “What makes you ask if I don’t have a girlfriend? And why, are you looking for a date?” I wouldn’t have dated her, not my type. And then there was the other one who asked if I would move in with him. I was like, um, if you’re paying the rent, give me the address and I’ll be there on Monday. Kidding. Well, sort of…

I remember one day I was speaking in front of a class that was in a different department and as I was standing at the front of the room talking I realized that I was staring at a sea of breasts. All of the girls had low-cut shirts that illuminated their various cups and I began to think about the many professors who must enjoy their daily academic peep shows. So, that is the secret to straight A’s…

On the other side of this spectrum is what teachers – from subs to full-blown professors - think of their students. While teachers are being stared at, so are students. Sometimes you’re up there listening to a response and thinking what a cute accent he or she has and the person is a grad student or will be a grad student after they graduate so what’s the harm? And all of a sudden you’re caught up and about to get fired because you’re sprung.

Just kidding.

Sike.