The Official Langauges of Me

I would like to dedicate this to the people who think Spanish if the Official language of Brazil…

Darlings, it’s going to be a challenge to not come off as a jerk but recently you all have really tickled my nerves. Now, I’m sure you mean well and everything. And perhaps you didn’t intend to say, “Wow after so much time in Brazil your Spanish must be really great.” Or, and I am sure you didn’t try to ask, “Did you live in the capital: Buenos Aires?” But really, we cannot know everything about every place so I understand that if you had time to google these locales you would be better informed. Wouldn’t you?

But I’m not giving you guys enough credit. Clearly most of you know that Portuguese is the official language of Brazil: the largest country in Latin America. Funny, huh, when we say “Latino” what language do we assume these individuals speak? Portuguese? And what about Dutch, French and English: the official languages of three other countries in “Latin” America. This is a question I’ve been toying with, recently. But really it is our fault, our strange and unrepresentational ethnic categories. How we try to shove our selves into boxes.

Once in Spanish class at UC Berkeley a Mexican-American classmate said to me, “you should have been born colored.” Clearly he meant “ a person of color” not “a black person” because God-forbid I should break the rules of what his notion of a Spanish or Portuguese speaker should be. After all, where did he think Spanish and Portuguese came from? They’re not the original languages of the Aztec and Tupi people. They’re EUROPEAN languages, sweetie. Funny, too, because although he had never been to his “native” Mexico, I had already been there. Thrice.

In California it is quite common for people of all linguistic backgrounds to learn Spanish because it is our second language, so it comes as less of a surprise that I should have a degree in it. Portuguese is less popular, but it’s basically the same thing, right? (Adoro como o pessoal sempre acho que a língua é igualzinha.) Keep telling yourself that. Even so it is not completely obvious that these two Romance languages are not my native tongues. After all, many a woman in Latin America shares my name. And the post WWII German immigration to Latin America also means that you’ll find Brazilians and Argentine’s who are probably my long lost cousins. In fact, the first person outside of my family that I met with the last name Tesch was a man from Rio: Carlos Tesch, a second generation German-Brazilian.

Now that I have been studying Swahili the responses are, well, interesting. Generally people know that it is an African language, and a good chunk of those folks understand it comes from East Africa. Heck, prior to my first day of instruction I was armed with the phrase “Hakuna Matata” just like the other millions of people who saw the Lion King. It really does mean no worries, so at least the Disney viewing population could say something correctly. Which is more than I can say for the gazillions who irritatingly mis-say Spanish with “no problemo” People, it is “no problema”, But I guess we can call it Spanish Creole, and then I won’t be all disturbed by it.

Last weekend I was going for a stroll in Culver City and stopped by my local liquor store for a 20 oz. Crystal Geyser. As I paid for the overpriced bottle of water, the coquettish cashier struck up a conversation about the heat and one sentence lead to another and I told him I was getting a Masters Degree in African Studies. “Wow,” he said “ What, did you date a guy from Africa, or something?” This was not the first time I had heard this response. It is always a challenge to reply to these questions without pointing out the idiocy. “No, that is not the reason. “ I try to explain quickly that I had studied in Brazil and became interested in the Lusophone world, which is what directed me to African Studies. Why on earth would my studies be the result of men? Did all heterosexual men major in the ethnic backgrounds of their girl friends? Or was I the one missing the point?